Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal: The Essential Tools for Healing by Dr. Kevin B. Skinner

Author:Dr. Kevin B. Skinner [Skinner, Dr. Kevin B.]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: KSkinner Corp. (GrowthClimate)
Published: 2017-03-15T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Nine

Healing Painful Memories

Ultimately, healing is an inside job.

Mark Wolynn

A few years ago, I interviewed neuroscientist Dr. Joseph LeDoux and asked him about some of his recent research findings.(1) He had just published a paper outlining his research that illustrated the possibility that we may be able to erase memories. While he doesn’t advocate memory erasing as a treatment model, he does believe it is possible.

It is likely that you, as the reader of a book about sexual betrayal, would love to erase some of the memories that run continuously through your mind. If you are like most, you relive what your spouse has done over and over in your head. The memories come both day and night. They come when you are with your friends or family. They come when you are trying to pay attention to others. Often, these memories will simply not stop wreaking havoc. One woman described it this way: “D-day was 8 years ago, and we divorced last year, but I still can’t wrap my brain around what he did, how he treated me, how he still treats me...Six years after d-day I started planning my divorce because I couldn’t take it anymore, but he’s still in my head everyday...him and the pain he caused. I struggle to let go.”

One of the primary symptoms of PTSD is recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive memories as described in Criteria B under PTSD diagnosis in the DSM-5. In the trauma assessment from Chapter Two, you were asked questions related to intrusive memories.

There are nine total questions in that category; they address the key intrusive symptoms outlined in the DSM-5:

1. Since discovering my partner’s behaviors, I can’t look at him without thinking about them.

2. I have strong memories that remind me of my partner’s participation in sexually inappropriate behaviors.

3. I have disturbing dreams that remind me of my partner’s sexual problems.

4. When my partner tries to get close to me or we are sexually intimate, I cannot help but question whether my partner is thinking about me or things he/she has done.

5. I have episodes where I feel like I am reliving the event over and over again.

6. I have a hard time with media because so many things remind me of what my partner has done.

7. I have a hard time being in public places with my partner because I have become highly sensitive to what my partner is looking at.

8. Since discovering my partner’s behavior, when I see sexually suggestive images, I feel anxious.

9. If I am exposed to things that remind me of what my partner has done, I suddenly become physically ill (i.e., nausea, headaches, anxiety).

Note: To see the results from more than 1400 research participants regarding the questions above, please visit www.discoverandchange.com/tipsa/assessment and view the “Criteria B Results.”

When you can’t get obsessive thoughts out of your mind, you eventually wear down. It becomes hard to think about anything else besides what your spouse has done. What used to be creative thinking and enjoyable memories have morphed into unwelcome intrusive thoughts.

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